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Cooking with Elle

Olive oil is…HOT!!!

I’m wearing nothing but an apron. I have to shield my vitals from the popping butter and oil combination I have heating on 6 in my best skillet. From the front, you wouldn’t know me from someone in a swimsuit on the beach. From the back, you get crack.

I crack the pepper in my favorite grinder over red potatoes sliced lengthwise. I have sucked the oil off a couple of slices already. Kosher salt and a last turn of the spatula, one layer done.

I throw some ready-washed, ready sliced button mushrooms in the skillet where the taters just got tanned. There is nothing sexier than ready-washed, ready-sliced produce. I suck down a hot mushroom, steaming the roof of my mouth. I don’t care about the burn,it’s just the hot, musky goodness that I crave.

I shred the cheddar, the unbound top half of my body undulating with every stroke of the cheese block. Careful not to grate my knuckles, I mix the medium yellow cheddar with a goat cheddar treasure I found at a gourmet store.

Grateful for having a huge kitchen, I cross-cut an onion and let the little white niblets drop off my knife. I periodically run to a corner to keep from crying, thenI rush back into the onion frenzy, my eyes tearing up from the indoor acid rain I am creating.

Oh, zucchini. I chose you because you are the size of my favorite plaything. I saw other women choosing theirs at the store. They go a lot bigger than I think a good strong zuch needs too. All that extra flesh and not enough skin to cover all of it in the pan.

I wish I could withstand the heat of crawling into the pan with all these delicious characters, but I am no good seared. I grate the carrots, along with my zucchini, adding them with the onions to some hamburger. Browning is such sweet sorrow.

A merlot sauce is added to the mix, followed by your hands cupping my fruit-shaped parts. No distractions, dear. Cooking is serious business. I pour crushed tomatoes into the meat sauce.

I assemble my little symphony in a 9x13 glass baking dish, adding sour cream. Layer by layer, the blankets of flavor are stacked together. Pop it into the oven…out comes Potato Lasagna.

Now, before we eat, can you help me with this apron?

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