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Facebook Follies

“I love my women in 2-D.”

I see this guy on his laptop and I am thrust back into the 1980s. Obviously, there weren’t a preponderance of laptops at the time, but it looked as though this guy was hard at work, probably monitoring stocks during after-hours trading, and/or reading news stories on competitive companies to research his next big investment. Wrong. He was jacking around on Facebook.

Is this yet another reason the Euro is beating our asses right now? Is our productivity truncated by the allure of two-dimensional love or lust or “friends” keeping us from doing out jobs, or even aspiring to anything?

I have fallen pray to the first generation version of cyber connecting myself. MySpace had me by the balls and polluted an entire era of my life with sneaking onto the site to juggle a bunch of non-ideas and cardboard innuendo with people who were basically drug addicts. If I saw these people in real life, and I did see some of them, I would have paid them no attention. Since I had filled in the third-dimension details with my own idea of what I wanted them to be, well…the house of cards tumbled and slashed me with paper cuts all the way down.

One of the best uses for these networking sites is to promote local events. When I get one of those e-mails from some hairy old guy promoting his stripper protégé en masse, I get a little nauseated. Everyone thinks she is Tila Tequila. There can be only one. Once the formula was out on that hottie’s phenomenon, it was immediately watered down by the feeble attempts of aspiring porn stars and chicks desperate for attention. (Sorry for the redundancy.)

I have counseled guys I barely knew on their crushes on girls way out of their league on MySpace. I might have helped this guy in passing if he had cried on my shoulder at a bar, but I would not have given him my phone number to continue the debacular pseudo-counseling. Instead, because we both frequent the bar and were mutual “friends”, he stalked me and forced me to counsel him until she got pregnant by another guy and he lost his mind. Yay, now I get to deal with that failure.

One of the things I don’t understand is why MySpace became passe and Facebook is so popular at the moment. Facebook was for younger kids at first, then the parents started monitoring their kids’ profiles and decided they needed to be in on the action, too. Creepy. Honestly, I hate the format and believe it’s just another way for people to make lukewarm connections and call it a relationship.

Obviously, the fantasy aspect of it gets people interested. Maybe people reconnect with old friends. Possibly people improve their writing skills by e-mailing all the time. (LOL!) Or it’s another way for Americans to be lost in distraction while the rest of the world plots our demise.(Paranoid, anyone?)

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