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I’m Not Exactly a Christian, But…
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

…I love Creflo Dollar!

I just bought a house, so affording cable is low on my priority list. I am a television addict, so I am left with Hulu, which sucks because of the couchlessness of it, and USA Network that comes in snowy and garbled through my internet cable connection. As a result, I get to watch buttloads of NCIS, JAG, Walker Texas Ranger, and Monk in diffused black and white.

One Sunday morning, I decided to tune in to my crappy non-cable (the reception I get adds up to about ninety cents over a three-month period---feel free to prosecute for the full amount; here’s a half inch of my change jar) and to my surprise, I was blessed with the dulcet preachings of non other than Dr. (ahem…amen) Creflo Dollar.

Now before you go a-hatin’, I really love watching this guy! I am not a Christian, per se, though I think Jesus was a very important figure in establishing equality in the world, thus a homeboy for sure; however, Creflo preaches not only gospel, but…Prosperity? He backs up his ideas with Bible verses, and a witful, fitful intellect. The sheer uniqueness of his name is what got me hooked initially, then I was blown over by his rhetoric. In a phrase, “You can do it!” Yeah, I can do it!!!

So, I looked him up on Wikipedia. What do I find?! Senator Chuck Grassley of Iowa has gotten the United States Senate Committee on Finance to investigate him. I just found him and you want to take the guy out of the game? And his wife, Taffi, too? You have to be kidding.

But he’s not kidding. Though Dr. Dollar’s doctorate is an honorary one from Oral Roberts University., this man is one of the smartest, most positive people on the planet. He does more to inspire ME to get off my ass and punch my financial woes into a profitable pulp and I’m not even in the live audience…AND my TV is perpetually snowing on his face.

Grassley has also gone after Joyce Meyer, another of my favorite, hard-handed, get-off-your-ass-and-make-a-difference inspirations. Yeah, I have to filter out the occasional flare-ups of fire and brimstone, but what these people have to say is wise, helpful, and is doing good in the world. I WANT to buy their paraphernalia. I WANT their energy to flow out of my dashboard and infiltrate my brain.

Who’s next, Chuck? Joel Osteen? Don’t you mess with Joel now. This guy is perpetually positive and I would gladly give him money, too, just to keep him talking. I will go buy his book tomorrow and not even read it to make sure that he and his wife have a mansion to live in. I don’t care. They do good things and have a right to reap the rewards.

I know, I know. According to all the aforementioned people, probably including the senator, I am not going to Heaven because I am not exclusively a Christian. I believe in the wisdom of all religions and throw away the fine print that says I must believe in Their Way or it’s the highway to Hell. I still get a great feeling after I hear them speak and that is worth a lot to me.

Maybe all these people are full of doo doo and will eventually fall off the high horse like Jimmy Swaggart and Jim Bakker. Or maybe not. None of them is named Jim.

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Added: November 22, 2009. 10:14 AM CDT
You SO kick ass!!!
Anonymous
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